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Grandma and Grandpa's backyard had been our playground since each of us learned to crawl.
Trying to be proper or trying to impress or trying to be intellectual can be a drag.
What you should be are doing is getting noticed as unique.
Both examples feature the description of a single event, express one or two personality traits of the author, and are engaging to read.
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This scenario could easily be replaced by a group of college freshman entering their dorms.
There I was, lined up for an adventure with an ill-prepared group of small children, ranging in ages from three to ten.
If you are reading a newspaper article, the writer fades behind the facts and you know nothing about the writer except that s/he can collect, organize, and present the facts that you need to now.
You want the admissions reader to say, “Ah, this is a real person writing to me.